A cancer diagnosis can challenge even solid relationships. People with cancer often feel alone or that no one understands what they are going through.

Their loved ones may feel helpless and unsure of what to say or do. It is common for relationships to be stressed because of cancer and treatment. However, you and your loved one can take steps to help your relationship.

Take Steps to Help With Relationships

Communication

We often think that those who love us can anticipate our needs and wants. In reality our loved ones can’t read our minds.

It is important to share our thoughts and feelings and listen to each other. Be honest with your loved one and ask them to do the same. Let them know if something is making you feel more isolated or adding to your stress.

If you need to communicate a concern, try to avoid generalizations like “You never…”. Instead, focus on using “I” statements that explain how the situation makes you feel. For example, “When I see all the things that have to get done this week, I feel overwhelmed.”

Shared Expectations About Roles and Responsibilities

People may experience changes in their relationship because of a cancer diagnosis. As a caregiver, it can be hard to anticipate when and how your loved one would like support.

Changes in roles may include housework, childcare, paying bills, working outside the home, or providing physical care. These changes can feel overwhelming. They can also cause feelings of sadness and loss for everyone involved.

These changes can be especially difficult for people who are used to doing things independently. Many people with cancer feel guilty about not being able to do the things they used to do.

When possible, try to find creative ways to keep your loved one involved. Talking about these changes and how they make you feel can help you to feel connected and less isolated.

Emotional Wellness

Emotional concerns can occur during the cancer experience and affect relationships with others. Some depression, anxiety, irritability, or worry are common with cancer treatment. Often these feelings resolve by themselves.

Take note if these feelings interfere with daily life and relationships or if they last for most of your days. Talk to a health care team, counselor, or other trusted professional to find support options.

For Spouses/Partners

If you are caring for your spouse or partner, try to make time to be together and do something fun as a couple.

Spending time together doesn’t have to mean spending money or leaving the house. Physical closeness with your partner can be a meaningful part of intimate relationships. Touching, holding hands, or hugging can create feelings of connection. Physical contact can lessen your sense of isolation and improve your sense of well-being.

A cancer diagnosis and its treatment can also affect sexuality. Concerns about physical appearance, depression, fatigue, and other side effects can lower sex drive or make sex difficult.

Both partners may worry about their sexual relationship but may be reluctant to talk about their feelings. Tell your partner how you feel and try to find ways to maintain intimacy. You can maintain intimacy through gentle touching, kissing, and physical closeness.

Please know that many people and their loved ones navigate cancer and its treatment well. As in any relationship, there will be ups and downs. If you’d like to seek counseling for you and your partner, talk with your health care team for help finding support.

Cancer Support Community Resources

The Cancer Support Community’s (CSC) resources and programs are available free of charge. To access any of these resources call the Cancer Support Helpline below or visit http://www.CancerSupportCommunity.org/.

Cancer Support Helpline®—Have questions, concerns or looking for resources? Call CSC’s toll-free Cancer Support Helpline (888-793-9355), available in 200 languages Mon-Fri 9am-9pm ET and Sat-Sun 9am–5pm ET.

Open to Options®—Preparing for your next appointment? Our trained specialists can help you create a list of questions to share with your doctor. Make an appointment by calling 888-793-9355 or by contacting your local CSC or Gilda’s Club.

Frankly Speaking About Cancer®—Trusted information for cancer patients and their loved ones is available through publications, online, and in-person programs. http://www.CancerSupportCommunity.org/Get-Educated-Inspired.

Services at Local CSCs and Gilda’s Clubs—With the help of 170 locations, CSC and Gilda’s Club affiliates provide services free of charge to people touched by cancer. Attend support groups, educational sessions, wellness programs, and more at a location near you. http://www.CancerSupportCommunity.org/FindLocation.

MyLifeLine—CSC’s private, online community allows patients and caregivers to easily connect with friends and family to receive social, emotional, and practical support throughout the cancer journey and beyond.

Sign up at http://www.MyLifeLine.org/.

The Cancer Policy Institute’s (CPI) Grassroots Network—Become a part of a network of cancer advocates working to help improve the lives of cancer patients, survivors, and their loved ones.

Get up-to-date information on key issues that are important to the cancer community and opportunities to make your voice heard by U.S. policymakers on issues that affect people impacted by cancer.

As a Grassroots Network member you will also receive a monthly CPI newsletter, full of important information about current issues impacting patients, advocacy stories, upcoming events, resources, and more.

Sign up at http://www.CancerSupportCommunity.org/Become-Advocate.

Cancer Experience Registry®—Help others by sharing your cancer patient or cancer caregiver experience via survey at http://www.CancerExperienceRegistry.org/.

The Cancer Support Community provides this information as a service. This publication is not intended to take the place of medical care or the advice of your doctor.

We strongly suggest consulting your doctor or other health care professionals to answer questions and learn more.